INTRODUCTION

I wish I could confidently tell you that every decision, major or minor, that you would ever have to make could be shifted on to someone else to make for you. That you would not need to crack your brains in anxiety, bite your nails in agony or grind your teeth in a frenzy looking for just the perfect pick out of a wide array of seemingly perfect picks. You would not need to pucker your brows or grimace painfully hoping that your decisions would not end up bringing you make the right decision for you. Have I mentioned that of course your spouse could also make decisions for you? You would not have to decide what schools to attend, where to live, what location to site your factory, what kind of car to buy, or what kind of person to marry, what to have for dinner or lunch, how many children to have, what kind of friends to have or avoid, what particular choice of outfit to put on for that occasion, whether or not to travel today or tomorrow, the list is endless! No matter the situation, you did not have to make any decision. Just shift the decision making to someone else who would bear responsibility if the result of that decision did not turn out well; you could just watch from a far, safe distance not bearing any responsibility at all.

Or contrarily, I wish I could tell you that the onus for every decision taking in your life was squarely on you but that every single decision you took was SURE TO BE THE RIGHT ONE; That no matter the factors you considered (or did not consider) before taking the decision, no matter the process by which you used to arrive at that particular decision, whatever the decision the outcome was sure to be excellent and laudable. I wish I could tell you these.

However, this is not a fairytale so I have not come to tell you old wives’ tales. I have come so we can reason together, scrutinizing thoroughly some thorny issues of life and hopefully, arrive at a safe realistic place.

You know the sore thing about decisions? EVERYONE must encounter them whether as a child or an adult.

Everyone, and I mean everyone. Indeed there are a lot of instinctive processes in man that do not require conscious decisions but times and circumstances happen that make even these spontaneous activities in the body a matter of choice for certain individuals. Some folks have taken the decision (rightly or wrongly) after examining certain situations in their lives to stop living, or to stop breathing and end their lives. Some folks have decided consciously to stop eating and starve themselves to death. I came across a baby, just months old, who had received a surprising number of gentle slaps on its bottom. It just had to be forced to eat because it just did not want to. I wonder where that baby is now. I am sure the mothers’ will prevailed over its own and so she (it was a baby girl) would be alive some place now. Hopefully by now she has learnt the joys of food. She most likely will be about four or five years now. Others have had to make the truly horrendous decision to take their loved ones off life support equipment or to jump out of aircraft (without parachutes).

It is not just that everyone must take decisions everyone must take decision everyday. Several times every day. You take the decision whether or not to get out of bed everyday to launch into the day of endless countless other decision, small and big.

 

WHAT ARE CROSSROADS?

Crossroads are those life moments that major decisions that have far reaching consequences must be taken. They can be referred to as destiny moments. During these times, life presents one with at least two possibilities both seemingly equally good (or seemingly equally bad) and one can choose only one, not knowing whether that choice is the better of the two, or the best of the options that have been presented to one. There are trying, (harrowing, even) moments that every great man or woman is faced with at least once in his or her life. However, many people find themselves at crossroads more than once in their lives; being faced with making a difficult decision every now and then.

Crossroad decisions can be gut-wrenching or sweat-inducing and should never be taken in a hurry. However, I must quickly interpose here that sometimes crossroads decision are thrust upon one suddenly, and yet a decisions is expected immediately or greater harm could emerge if there is undue delay in coming to a decision. Crossroads decisions are those mammoth, difficult -to-be-taken decision that once taken could alter the course of an individual’s life either irrevocably or for a long time to come. Therefore, they are not the kind of decisions that are taken casually, lightly or without much deep thought.

Crossroads decisions are not reserved for only the high and mighty; the rich and famous or the ones with pomp and pageantry. They are for everyone -the meek and lowly, the poor and unknown. They are for everyone who is alive, in one way or the other. indeed even animals do have to face crossroads decision moment now and then. Let me paint a scenario to illustrate this. A mongoose (a deer? A rat? A dog?) makes a split-second decision to make a dash for it across a relatively quiet road, even as out of the corner of it’s eyes, it sees a vehicle approaching and gbam! It is violently hit by the vehicle and the driver makes a hasty get away from the scene. One minute that animal is alive and fast, the next it is sprawled (or splattered) across the road, taking its last breathe. Crossroads decisions! meanwhile, just yesterday, that same animal had taken that same decision, along that section of the not-so-busy highway while another vehicle was approaching. However, the driver then had been a gentle, conscientious live-and-let-live fellow who had, with a screech of brakes, veered slightly to one side to allow the animal see more days.

Very often in our lives we find ourselves standing at a major crossroads where we have to make an important choice. It is at these crucial junctions that we need to make important decisions about matters that might have far reaching consequences in our journey and a long lasting effect in our lives. By taking that opportunity, the lives of many others, some of which we will never meet, will forever be changed as well.

For this reason, many people take the simpler road of either making a hasty decision without giving it much thought, or continuing to stay stuck in a situation that doesn’t fulfil them.

Crossroads decisions are not only confusing, they are hard. They’re hard because they involve life-altering choices, and one or more of those choices are equally good, desirable or maybe even painful. The Outcome of Crossroads decisions have either made or marred the decider. It is crucial regularly occurring moments that Nature throws at us as opportunity to change direction, course, or goal, in order to take responsibility of what becomes of our tomorrow.

Crossroads is all about, should I, should I not? Also, when, why, who, where and how? Crossroads can be positive or negative. It can be a time of opportunity or a time of crisis, depending on the status-quo one finds one’s

Without exemption, all humans find themselves at crossroads, a number of times in life. Crossroads are life’s turning points.

Crossroads decisions can be found among men and women from all walks of life, noth professionals and non-professionals. More often than not, Crossroads decisions can’t be shirked-that is, passed on to another to take the decision. Yet the consequences may spill onto many others, directly or indirectly. Let me interject here with the life experience of an acquaintance of mine, Kay.

Born with a natural gift for words and a flair for wit and oratory, as a child she excelled in spelling bees, debate competitions and narration. Very early in life, her father noticed her oratorial skills and concluded she would make a good lawyer. He proceeded to groom her in that direction. However, along with her verbal skills and natural intelligence, she possessed a mind of her own and could prove to be headstrong. So, when it was time for her to carefully pick the course she would study in the University (or College) her father advised her to put in for law.

To his amazement, she refused and opted to read English. No matter how hard he tried to persuade her, she stuck to her guns! Her reason? she had had lengthy conversation with peers and one or two “religious” friends who had convinced her that “All lawyers are liars” and so would ultimately go to hell! When he saw he couldn’t change her mind, he allowed her to read English where she excelled and graduated. She went on to finish a masters. But at this time, the former religious fervour was being replaced by life realities and a short natural urge to be a voice for those who could not speak up for themselves and to seek justice and redress for them. Besides the opportunities to practice law opened up around her-but of course she was far from qualified to even think of taking up those opportunities. She got a lecturing job and started a doctorate degree. She also became a strong advocate for workers’ welfare and it was then that what had been troubling her sub-consciousness came to the fore- she would have achieved much more if she had been a lawyer. She then decided to go back to school and read law – she was on the verge of completing her Ph.D. However, at this stage she was not a young sophomore anymore, they were many other variables to contend with-marriage, children, work, social activities, financial considerations etc. Well, I have not heard from her for quite a while but as at when I did she had finished the Ph.D-but had not yet been able to start that degree in law.

Unfulfilled dreams, wasted potential-all because at a crosssroads decisions time, a wrong decisions was taken. So how then do we guard against taking wrong decision when it is time to take a decision? Afterall, normal human beings cannot predict the future or the outcome of a decision. We will be returning to this question time and again because that, of course is what this book is all about.

A decision well taken leads us to our next level in life-our fulfillment, our safe place, our flourishing. A wrong decision may likely have a ripple effect, pulling down many areas of our lives and ensuring that we will not reach our peak. How tragic! imagine a young man marries the wrong girl, divorce is imminent sooner or later or if they both decide to grit their teeth and slug it out in life, they will live life at half most an of course this will affect their children and those tots may never get to experience the true peace, joy and freedom that can be found in family.

Note that not every decision in life is a crossroads decision of course. Not every decisions has far-reaching consequences on either the decider or others. We make tens (or hundreds?) of decision everyday, many times unconsciously and we give little or no though to them because they carry little or no consequences. For example what to eat for launch, what to wear on any normal day, what colour of lipstick to use-or even which leg (left or right) to move first as we get up from our chair to go to the bathroom. No, not every decisions is a crossroads decision, but yes, we cannot but take decision every single day